Coming to boarding school at the age of 14 really confused me. I have my own friends at home, a bunch of people that I've met when I was 6 and had, somehow, managed to keep close to them. They were my everything. They meant so much to me that I'd never be able to tell anyone how I feel towards them. It is something I can't describe, no matter how hard I try.
Then I got to Edinburgh, got into a new school, and met new people and made new friends. There, I was able to find people that sung the same melody as I did, liked the same things I did. And two years later, I changed school, went down south, and met even more people and made even more friends.
And that confuses me. Why? Because I don't know if I have a best friend or not. In fact, I don't know if I ever had a best friend from the very first place.
Growing up, I was an extroverted child, always meeting new people and making new friends. I have loads of people to talk to, and if I was in a school for long enough, I'd probably hold a conversation with everyone in my year and some in the entire school during my time. I never really bothered thinking of labelling any of my friends my 'best friend', per se, because I just have so many good friends. They all know my life; they're all important figures and helped me through stuff I never would've gone through if they weren't there with me. I have things to thank them for and things to apologise for.
But recently, when one of my friends invited her best friend from another school to her birthday party, I started thinking: do I have someone like that? And, to be honest, when I do think of the word 'best friend', I have multiple people popping up in my mind. Three, five, sometimes even seven. It was complicated, and I didn't know who to label as my ultimate best friend.
Growing up with western movies and western medias also solidified the belief that I need a best friend to survive school, that I need a best friend to do all sorts of stupid things with, and that I need a best friend to turn to -- someone that would never say no when I ask for help.
But if those are the criteria for a best friend, then I must have multiple best friends. I can easily fit any of my friends into these categories, and some even fit into all three, or even more, categories! If that's the case, then are they all my best friend?
And sometimes, when I do settle on the thought that one of my friends is my best friend, I then realise that perhaps I'm not their best friend. Yes, I might be really close with them and always go to them whenever I need help or just to talk, but I might not be that person for them. And that thought haunts me constantly. Overthinking is unhealthy, and although I don't think I do overthink on this situation, I do think I overanalyse the term 'best friend'. Or, in this case, oversimplified it.
My best friend could be anyone: it could be my friend that I've known since I was 4, my friend that I met 6 months ago, my sister, my mother, or even myself. Or even my own diary! The term 'best friend' is so rigidly limited to one person in most representations. But I believe that a best friend could be so much more than just a person. It could be anything, and in my case, I might have multiple best friends, and I love all of them. They are always my pillars of support, and I adore them for that.
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